Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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