he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She even gives head with a lisp.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The adults are the big ones right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
