I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So vagazzling was a success
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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