Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
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