champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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