hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Holy shit dude........stairs
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
