wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
