I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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