yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
