i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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