Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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