I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
