my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
