I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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