I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
