Jerry, you need to find god
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
