he referred to my room as the tit cave...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize