Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize