So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
