dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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