similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
