smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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