ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
