I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
