his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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