he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
