We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
