He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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