remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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