my mouth tastes like poor choices
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
