if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
