Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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