I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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