Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
