It's Friday. Sex?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
