Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
