apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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