I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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