Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
