Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
