Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
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I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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