im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
