I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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