Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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