Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
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