dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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