quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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