I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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