The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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