Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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