Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
