just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
