Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
