I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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