Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
