haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
