i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
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You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
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It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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