i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
