I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
