You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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