Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
