Do you still have your period?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
