she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
