Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This is the high leading the old right now
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
