What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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