So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
