I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
