it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
