I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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