i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
