TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
