I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
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you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
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So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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