Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
