Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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